To continue down this life, turn to pg. 47...

Sometimes, I feel like my life is like one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books that I used to read when I was a kid. Except that I think someone tore some pages out of mine to make spit-balls...

--nate

Tiny Stories...

One time I was running down a beautiful country road, when the overpowering urge to pass gas came over me.

"Just let the little fluff fly!" I said to myself.

I figured that I could quickly out-run it, so I did.

Thats when I remembered that I wasn't, in fact, running down a beautiful country road but that I was on a treadmill.

By then it was already too late. The belt had already sucked it up and blew it back into me. Thats when I realized that technology can be dangerous.

--nate

I Dreamed a Dream...

So for the past few day's I have been feeling a bit under the weather. Not full-on sick, but my head has been stuffy and I've been swimming around in that general malaise that colds bring along when they stop by for their unexpected little visits.

I stopped by Wally-World for some groceries yesterday and made the wallet-ending mistake of going while hungry. Not only did I spend way too much money on food, but the majority of it was spent on what turned out be a culinary cacophony of mix matched edibles.

Sauces with nothing to sauce, a jar of pickled cauliflower, that sort of thing...

The one thing that I did manage to get right in all that mess was that I had ended up with all the ingredients for hot dogs. So yesterday evening I begin to float around the kitchen and slowly but surely it all started to come together.

Wieners, ketchup, brown mustard, chili, onions, sweet relish, and cole slaw... delicious.

Like I said... I went hungry.

So with that I put on a DVR'd episode of Conan, and sat down to enjoy my mammoth dogs.

It wasn't, however, until about halfway through my second one that the thought crept into my mind that something seemed a bit askew. It had been forever since I had eaten a hot dog, but I was pretty sure they didn't taste like this on the last go-around. Foolishly, I shrugged it off, popped the last hefty bite into my mouth and leaned back, giving my cat a satisfied grin.

"You don't know what your missing, my hairy friend."

She seemed oddly disinterested, as if it knew something that I didn't.

There was that thought again.

I go to the kitchen and pick up the pack of wieners.

"Ball Park Bun-Length All Beef Franks"

That was when I noticed it.

It was pretty obvious, really, but in my aforementioned malaise must have slipped past the boundaries of my perception.

About a half-an-inch on the end of every single wiener had turned a sickly yellowish green.

I felt an almost involuntary, "Ut-oh..." pass over my lips.

I turn the package over in my hands, dreading to find what my cat had somehow already seemed to gleam.

"USE OR FREEZE BY: SEPT. 14/09"

I felt an almost involuntary, "Fucking Wal-Mart..." pass over my lips.

I slowly laid it back down, unable to look away from the flaccid little pouches that contained the two plump franks that were at that very moment slowly working their way into my system.

My cat was now watching my every move as I walked back to the couch and sat.

I could almost swear I caught the glimpse of a satisfied grin hidden beneath her whiskers.

"Well now what?", I thought to my self.

Do I just sit idly by and accept my fate, which is bound to be an unrelenting bout of food poisoning, or do I hearken back to my glory days as a fashion model and induce vomiting?

I sat.

As the hours passed I kept asking myself if I thought I was getting worse. I certainly felt strange, but I have had food poisoning before when I lost a no-holds-barred cage match with some bad bacon dip and this wasn't it.

I decided to take the most logical course of action that I could think of at the time... gulp down some Nyquil and pass out.

Let my body battle it out with the bacterial horde that was no doubt massing on my colons borders while I was safe in a clinically induced slumber.

As a swallowed the last of the emerald elixir, my stomach let off a low rumble like distant thunder, a signaling of the storm to come.

If the dreams that took place in my feverish mind over the next 12 hours were any indication of the war being fought within my body, it must have been hell.

No sooner than my head hit my pillow I was plummeted into a bizarre, twisted version of the film 2012, which is even stranger when I point out that I have never seen it.

I am now a military scientist trying in vain to escape the apocalyptic horrors that are befalling the planet.

I'm trying to heard a group of raging civilians up into the highest parts of a secret government library in Washington D.C. to avoid the rising oceans. At every floor I'm confronted with increasingly complex puzzles that I have to quickly solve so we can get to the next, higher level, all while the world is ending around us. We have calculated that a precise blast from a huge orbital space cannon called "HAMMER" fired on a dormant fault line will trigger an earthquake of cataclysmic proportions and open a massive fissure that will swallow up the rising water and save what is left of humanity.

Here's where it gets interesting.

Just before we reach the top, I discover a secret chamber that contains the governments most secret treasures.

Scrolls and documents, alien artifacts, the mystical armor of Genghis Khan, supernatural Nazi amulets, and my favorite, a bag of Magnetic Moon Sapphires worth billions. All of these priceless treasures were being guarded by a purple Yoda who began to hand them out to the remaining members of our rag-tag crew for protection from the rising tides and mindless mob of frenzied humans that pursued us. The small purple creature recorded our breath in a flash of blue light that emanated from a small device that resembled an ipod with a stun gun on top of it, thus insuring that we could be found and the treasures retrieved if we succeeded in our mission.

So, my pockets heavy with Moon Sapphires, and sporting new bionic phone-shoes giving to me by me by my little Yoda pal, I was up the stairs to the final control room. I could hear the howling mob growing louder, they were almost upon us, and they followed by the raging sea.

Was there going to be time?

I burst into the room and using the advanced footwear that I had just acquired, I quickly sat up a device that allowed me to talk to the HAMMER satellite and call in the blast.

I entered the commands.

The sky turned white.

There was an earth shaking explosion. I could feel every atom in my body trembling furiously from the impact as I was tossed about the room.

The world went dark.

I woke up, still in this damn dream, to find that it had worked! There was, what looked to be the Grand Canyon just behind the capitol building and all the water was flowing into it.

Everyone cheered and we all started hugging each other in celebration.

"We did it! We did it!", I kept saying. Then I was suddenly stunned to realize that I was now lying in my bed, heart still pounding.

As reality crept in I looked at the clock.

Twelve hours I had been "asleep".

My head cold it seamed had taken up permanent residence in my sinuses.

"I should probably get some medicine," I thought out loud,

"and some water... and the cat probably needs fed too.

But all that will have to wait, because right now, I reeeally gotta poop."

--nate

Tiny Stories

The ringing in my ears began to subside along with the tears that were welling up in my eyes, explosion or not, no one cries at a Monster truck rally...

Benny Hill Fun

Me and Jen goofing off at work.

actual AIM conversation - nate & bobo

RustedSatellite1
9:50
haha yeah, im chillin it was just last night now its mornng style...
need to sleep style

Bob Cook
9:50
haha yea the sun can kinda sneak up on ya

RustedSatellite1
9:50
haha
nooo shit

Bob Cook
9:50
which is kind of funny considering its speed

RustedSatellite1
9:51
esp with this "daylight savings" jazz
hahah
yeah

Bob Cook
9:51
haha
yea i almost forgot that happened
i was drunk during the occurrence, so it didnt even really happen to me

RustedSatellite1
9:52
yeah
me too
haha
what does that say about us as people?
haha
nuthin much i guess

Bob Cook
9:54
that the earth has been revolving for years before man stepped foot here, in a simpler time, where daylight savings time had no place in the common world. till one day man said, i know! lets change the clocks twice a year and just fuck everyone's day up! think about it! people all over the globe will be late to work, late to their children's births! and people will end up showing up early to dates and think they were stood up! it will be glorious! GLORIOUS!
but i digress
all im saying is, im with ya

RustedSatellite1
9:55
hahahaah

Nate's Movie Prediction's #1

Hi folks, I believe that the upcoming epic disaster/adventure film 2012 looks like it will be a highly original story line, filled with engrossing, well written plot points that will keep us guessing and constantly asking ourselves, "Can they do it?" as well as a host of wonderful actors who will portray true-to-life, non-stereotyped characters that will make realistic, informed, thoughtful decisions that would mirror my own choices during a global, world-ending crisis event predicted thousands of years ago by a now extinct society. I can't wait!

Woman have it easy

Attention to all our female readers,

You guys are in a sweet position to do something hilarious that would freak out any guy at the same time. All it takes is for a woman to walk into a men's room, don't look at anyone or say anything, just walk up to a urinal, unzip, and put one hand up on the wall. Then let out a long sigh.

Stand there for appx 30 seconds, zip back up, then leave.

Don't forget to wash your hands on the way out.


-bobo

We're Still Doing This?

Sylvia has to go back to Brazil on Sunday. It really sucks, for a number of reason's, but here's some good 'ol fashoned nonsense! Sylvia, Clint, Bobo, and myself after a few Brazilian cocktails

to all our viewers

you all really need to start commenting! you are the blood that runs through the vein of this site. your words could breath life into an otherwise dull and lifeless blog.

do the right thing people. make your voices heard.

:)

The following is a true story

So I was sitting outside on my patio smoking a cigarette, staring up at the clouds. I noticed that one of the clouds looked a lot like Bowser from Super Mario Bros. All of the sudden my annoying neighbor comes outside to call for her cat. An incredibly annoying, high pitched, "HEEERRREEE KITYKITYKITYKITYKITYKITY!!!!!" which she does all the time. Honestly it's almost as annoying as it is hilarious. She broke my concentration, but as soon as I looked back at the Bowser cloud, it was still Bowser, but now he was making a sad face.

That woman made the clouds sad.


--Bobo

The new Nightmare on Elm Street movie

As I am sure many of you have heard, Nightmare on Elm Street is being remade and released in theaters in 2010. When I first heard this news I was incredibly excited. Freddy Krueger is one of my all time favorite horror villains. He kills you in your sleep, how is that not terrifying? I love sleep.

The trailer was released recently and I have to say, before it even started my hopes were destroyed in an instant. Before any of the good stuff came on screen, the words that showed up next crushed me to my very soul.

FROM PRODUCER
MICHAEL BAY

WHY OH WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?! Why would they put one of the greatest horror villains in the hands of Michael Bay, 'The Misery Bringer'. They might as well title this movie, "Nightmare on Elm Street: The Death of a Franchise".

We all know what the man did to Transformers. A line from South Park comes to mind....

"Those aren't idea's Mr Bay, those are special effects. [Other Guy]: Oh he doesn't know the difference"

There is a moment in the trailer that is somewhat iconic to the series, Freddy scratches his nails along some pipes. You might be asking yourself, "well how could he mess something as simple as that up?" Don't kid yourself, this is michael bay.

[and yes, while writing this blog my opinion on the man dropped even lower, so much so that I have decided to stop capitalizing his name]

But when Freddy scratches the knife nails along the pipe, it sounded like a fucking 10 ton jet engine was crash landing and scraping along the runway. What the hell was that about?!? I just know that michael bay is going to have fucking lasers and monster truck noises playing every time someone is just walking on some gravel.

But don't let my opinion hold you back. Sound off in the comments section and let us know what you think about the new movie coming out. We'd love to hear from ya.

--Bobo

Bobo's post got me thinking...

So in the movie "E.T. The Extra Terrestrial" his name E.T. is short for extra terrestrial because nobody wants to go around saying The Extra Terrestrial all day, right? So the movie is really called "Extra Terrestrial The Extra Terrestrial". Thats the stupidest thing I have ever heard...

All you need

Extraterrestrial? What's a guy need more than two for?

--bobo

Someone really invented this.....

The Baby-Cage.

Fugitive No More

[CLICK TO ENLARGE]

Misery Noodle

[CLICK TO ENLARGE]

Jumping on the Photoshop bandwagon

I realized after seeing Nate's last post that I haven't done many photoshop pics recently, so I decided to make some additions to the:

"Movie Plots that could have been solved in minutes" photoshop pictures I have seen online, if you haven't seen them before, check them out......

http://www.cracked.com/photoshop_78_23-movie-plots-that-could-have-been-solved-in-minutes_p23

here are mine..... [look up]

-bobo

Jumping on the Kanye Interrupts bandwagon...

So I'm sure you all, like myself, have been bombarded with different variations of Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift at the MTV VMA's and, being suddenly bored, I decided to make my own...

...Predator is still topical, right?

--nate

We've been hiding

I know, I know. We haven't blogged in quite sometime. What can I say? We are busy people. I have been moving into a new place, and Nate has started his portfolio class for school. Not much time for humor in the past few weeks. But don't be sad, we are alive and [relatively] well.

More importantly we have almost completed the writing portion of our Rifftrax project. THAT is something you should all be incredibly excited about. We have spent MONTHS writing jokes for you all to enjoy while watching "Ghostbusters 2". Again if you are not familiar with Rifftrax, you need to educate yourself. Take 2 minutes out of your day and go check out what it is we are talking about, you will not regret it.

http://www.rifftrax.com

Once you have seen what Rifftrax are all about, you should be getting even more excited about OUR version being released this fall. We have worked VERY hard on this and are extremely proud of it. Don't make our hard work go unnoticed. After all, you are here because you love us, right? Right?

We are dealing with our insecurities internally.

--bobo

Finger bites

This might be the most dangerous blog post I have ever written. Right at this moment there is a crazy/mean looking ant crawling around inside my keyboard. I am fairly confident that every keystroke is angering him further and further. At any moment he could arise from beneath the 'F' key and strike. I am mildly concerned about my delicate little 'typers' getting bit.

gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

It's ok, i got him. He wasn't under the 'F' key.

--bobo

Turtle Interrupted

OctoPoss

Killing time... even though I've been super busy as of late...

any-hoo if you haven't figured it out yet...

Click on me and I get BIGGER!

--nate

Its Birthday cartoon time...

Click on it and it gets BIGGER!

Come see me in about a decade...

A few days ago a friend of mine, who happens to be about 8 years younger, told me that he liked to think that I was what he would be like in 8 years.

I think he might be on the right track.

I remember having terribly low expectations when I was his age...

--Nate

Silly me

When I first heard of the reality show "Locked Up Abroad", I spent the first few minutes believing there was a show about 'some broad' being locked up.

--bobo

Hypothesis says yes

I was just wondering. Do you think there have ever been two females that have SERIOUSLY had the argument, "my vagina is tighter than yours".

I'd like to believe so.

--bobo

Davy and Bruce

It's a little know fact that Davy Crockett was a HUGE fan of raccoons. I know what you are thinking.

"But Bobo, he always wore a raccoon skin cap"

Don't I know it. Allow me to share the tale of Davy and Bruce.

Bruce was Davy's pet racoon and childhood best friend. They did everything together. At the age of 14 they set out on a journey in search of excitement. Bruce would travel in a makeshift backpack on Davy's back.

One day on their travels they stumbled across a large warehouse in the bottom of a valley. Stricken with curiosity, they ventured down to get a closer look. Much to their surprise, they learned that this building was filled with Nazi scientists.

They crept up closer to a window to find out what was going on. Davy put his ear up to the glass.

"Our experiment is almost complete! Soon we will have a whole ARMY of half man, half racoon warriors. Once our subjects have come to life, we will unleash them on the unsuspecting world and begin our global conquest! Also kudos to the fuhrer for instructing us to learn English to explain our evil plan in!"

Davey and Bruce were gripped with horror. They could not believe what was happening right before their eyes. Just beyond the laughing scientists he could see rows and rows of test chambers with Raccoon-Men connected to Nazi tubes floating around in some sort of green liquid.

"Well I don't know about you Bruce, but I can't just sit here and watch these Nazis get away with this."

Bruce dropped to the bottom of the backpack and just started shaking.

Determined, Davy grabbed his machete and crashed through the window, taking the scientists by surprise. He quickly threw his machete at the giant electrical box conveniently labeled "MAIN POWER SUPPLY THAT CONTROLS EVERYTHING. HANDLE MACHETES WITH CARE".

This was also written in English.

There was a great explosion that rang out for miles. With that one simple gesture, Davy and Bruce has stopped one of the biggest catastrophes the world would have ever seen, but their story is not over yet.

Once the explosion started to come to an end, the room got quiet. Too quiet. All of the remaining scientists knew what was about to happen. The silence only lasted a moment. From beneath quiet sounds of the wind blowing through the warehouse, came a sound that much resembled an engine. Without warning, large storm doors crashed open only to reveal what Davy would remember as "The Misery Bringer".

There sat the fuhrer himself behind his illustrious 1967 Pontiac GTO.

For the crimes against man, and for the crimes against raccoons, Davy believed that this was not only his fight, but Bruce's fight too. He took off the backpack, lowered it to the ground, and shook Bruce out of the bag.

Bruce stood there, confused by his long time friend's actions.

Davey looked down with a grimace and simply said, "Go get em' Brucey...."

The fuhrer casually flicked his Marlboro Light cigarette butt out the window, and revved the engine twice.

Bruce started cleaning his paws.

The fuhrer dropped it into 1st gear, and floored it. As he began barreling down towards Bruce, Davy started to realize he did not think this plan out very far, but it was too late.

I will spare you the bloody details, but I think we all know what came next.

Crying tears that wouldn't stop, Davy grabbed the remains of his beloved friend, and outran the GTO.

In an effort to remind himself everyday of the tragic loss of his best friend, and his hasty decisions, Davy fastened a hat out of his beloved child-hood companion.

He had realized the error of his ways. He should have never charged Bruce with such a big task. Taking on a Pontiac GTO was too much for the litter feller.

If only Hitler drove a Prius.

--bobo

Subscribe now!

I am happy to report that the hamster that powers our subscription button is healthy again! We got the subscription button up and running, so do yourself a favor and go subscribe right now. Don't make the hellish weeks of physical therapy and dialysis the hamster went through to be in vein.

--bobo

Second business plan

I want to start an online dating service, strictly for Indian people.

It will be called "Connect the Dots"

--bobo

SHARK JESUS: A Foray Into Journalism...

By Nate Carter

Associated Press

RICHMOND, Va. - Scientists have confirmed the "Virgin Birth" of a shark.

In a study reported Friday in the Journal of Fish Biology, scientists said DNA testing proved that a pup carried by a female Atlantic Blacktip shark in the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center contained no genetic material from a male.

Scientist were baffled by the miraculous event, however, this news came in the form of jubilant celebration within the ranks of His Church of the Holy Dorsal, who's followers have long awaited the arrival of their messiah, Shark-Jesus.

Often referred to as a cult by mainstream religious leaders, His Church of the Holy Dorsal prophesizes that a virgin shark will give birth to a pup messiah that will lead its believers out of this earthly world and into a perfect, aquatic version of "heaven".

"We are all swimming in a sea of sin," Burl Erton, a Great White in the Church, said in a recent interview "But by following in the wake of his holy dorsal, Shark-Jesus has finally come to eat up of all of that sin and lead his believers out of these darkened waters and into the shallows of salvation. This is truly a glorious day."

The Church's followers, known as Dorsites, believe that Shark-Jesus is a teacher, the model of a virtuous existence, the physical incarnation of God, and most importantly the under-sea savior of humanity. Most Dorsites believe that Shark-Jesus appeared once before, around the end of the Mesozoic era some 65 million years ago, subsequently bringing about the end of the Dinosaurs and also promising to return to judge the living and the dead at a time when man was ready to, "…return to the sea from whence they came."

Many argue that the birth of this shark pup has no religious significance what so ever, stating the fact that this strange phenomenon has happened before in the world of science. Some even site the size and species of the miracle shark as the reason for their disbelief.

Rex Brown, a New England native and former member of The Church Of The Holy Dorsal, said, "You would think it would be a cooler kind of shark, ya know? I mean, I have never even heard of a blacktip shark. Why isn't it a Great White or a Hammerhead or something awesome like that? I would even settle for a Whale Shark. I know they just eat plankton, but heck, they're humongous."

Erton responds by saying that, "The scripture states only, and I quote, that,

"He shall cast his black eyes upon the world, and manifest his glory through any of the numerous marine carnivorous fishes of the class Chondrichthyes (subclass Elasmobranchii), he will remain at all times large and voracious with a streamlined torpedo like body, he will breathe in this earthy world through no less than five and no more than seven gill openings on each side of his most stately head, he will contain in his mighty gullet a large liver filled with the most sacred of oils, a glorious cartilaginous skeleton, and smooth skin shimmering with small tooth like scales."

When asked to comment further on the dismissal of his religion by the majority of Americans, Erton stated simply, "Their gonna' need a bigger boat."

-Nate

She's so smart

So my girlfriend called me a pedophile last night.

Pretty big word for a 12 yr old.

--bobo

Just a thought...

Ever notice that people who believe in Jesus are usually really fucking awesome at something... hmmm...

-Nate

Magic Touch

So the power went out after a really crazy storm. Just for kicks I went to check the fusebox. Everything looked normal, so I went to shut the fuse box door. As soon as I slammed it shut, the power kicked back on. I'm convinced I fixed the power for the entire block.

--bobo

You know, I never get sick...

...I think it's because there was this huge bucket behind my house when I was a kid and it would collect rain water and after a while these big old amoeba's starting to live in there.

My mom told me to never eat those amoeba's. I wondered why she would even tell me that.

I had no intention of ever eating any of those big amoeba's.

A few day's later I was outside wondering around playing and sure enough I found myself behind the house staring into the bucket. I stared for quite some time, eying a big fat one. His little hairs wiggling him through the water. Finally, I reached in and squeezed the big fella, pulled him out of the bucket and looked at him for a moment.

"Why shouldnt I eat you?" I thought, "You looks OK..."

and with that I popped him in my mouth and swallowed.

No big deal, right?

Boy was I wrong.

A few hours later i was sick. Super sick.

How could something that looked so friendly be so bad. I had a lot to learn, I guess. I should have listened to my mommy. I didn't tell her that I had eaten from the amoeba bucket. She just thought that I had the flu.

Several days later I was all better.

A few more after that found me behind the house standing over the bucket.

Again.

Staring at the big old amoeba's slowly swimming in the murky water.

Again.

There was something mesmerizing about them. Before long I had eaten another one. I stood for a brief moment contemplating my own intelligence, but a pretty butterfly fluttered by and I chased it around a bit, giggling, before the sickness hit me.

Again.

Not quite as bad this time, but still pretty bad. The pattern just kept repeating. A week later I was better and back at the bucket in no time. I kept eating the plump little amoeba's and getting sick, eating the amoeba's and getting sick. But each time I was less and less sick, and after a while, I wasn't sick at all.

After a few months of this and a brief dry spell they were all gone.

Fall came, then the winter snow and the old bucket would fill with the fluffy powder. I would make shivering trips behind the house for the chance at maybe spotting a rare and timid snow amoeba, but to no avail.

Early the next spring my dad put the bucket into his shed to store it away, and with it went the chance to enjoy the big ol' amoeba's again that summer.

I have never forgotten my summer with the amoeba's, i remember them fondly and still can't pass a rain filled container or bin without taking a hopeful peek inside. They left me with great memories and, apparently a hefty immune system.

I've never been sick again.

-Nate

All I need is a written business plan

I want to start a trapeze circus act staring an asian midget. It will be called "The Flying Wonton".

It sounds much funnier if you say it out loud in a stereotypical asian accent.

--bobo

Subscription button coming soon!

We are working on adding a subscribe button to the feed so you can get email updates whenever we post new topics. The hamster powering the subscription button is currently on dialysis and has is suffering from emphysema. We are working on these issues.

--bobo

I like Brussels Sprouts. When I ate them as a kid I liked to pretend they were whole cabbages and that I was a giant. I still do that, actually...

-nate

Time travel revisited

Nate has me thinking.

Nate always has me thinking, but in this case its about time travel. Now for me time travel is impossible to think about without my mind wandering off to Back to The Future. So put two and two together, and now I am unfortunately thinking about whether or not Doc Brown or Marty ever performed fellatio on themselves during their time traveling experiences.

What do you think that interaction was like?

"Holy shit! You're me!"

"Yes, I am. Now drop your pants."

"What?! What are you talking about? This doesn't make any sense."

"You want a blow job or not?"

"......ok make it quick" ::starts crying::

I would imagine it would be a lot harder to convince your past self to go down on you. I mean it's one thing to refuse a blow job from a potential future you, but it's an entirely different scenario to convince someone that not only is the person they're looking at is really them from the future,
but that the fate of the world in the future depends on coppin' dome from their past self.

[Yes that's right, I would attempt to trick my past self into it, otherwise I would probably just be convinced that this was all some elaborate plan by some devious, time-traveling, shape-shifters to call me a fag ]

Why are people in the future such assholes?

--bobo

I see this commercial all the time lately. This couple comes from the future to tell their past selves about a big car deal or something and the present time guy tells his future-time wife that he likes her hair and future-time him gives him a look like he had better knock it off.

What does it matter?

They are the same person.

I will just say it.

If I went back in time and met my past self I would 100% give myself a blowjob. One hundred percent.

I told this fact to some friends the other day and one of them asked if that would be homosexual or masturbatory, and I would definatly say that it falls under the masturbation category. Jerking off isn't gay. So I don't think that blowing yourself is either. It’s your mouth and your penis, just two different bodies, right? Its not butt stuff. I wouldn't do any butt stuff to my past self. If I don't do it to myself now then I don’t go back in time and do it to myself then either.

That’s the rules.

I mean lets face it, putting stuff in you butt is a little bit gay anytime. I mean if you want to go back and gay it up with yourself, knock yourself out.

Me?

I’m stickin’ to BJ's.

Don’t judge me to harshly based on this thought.

It may sound a bit shocking, at first, I know, but that’s probably why we don’t have time machines. No ones thought of this aspect of time travel before. Scientist have always been like "Wow, I would love to travel back in time and meet Herbert Hoover and see the dinosaurs." or something like that.

But then they started thinking about it and realized that it was going to be hard to do.

I mean really hard.

Then they probably realized that no one wants to talk to Herbert Hoover.

What are you gonna talk to Herbert Hoover about?

"I like your dam, it's really big."

No thanks,

Dinosaurs?

After those last couple of Jurassic Park movies I've seen about all the dinosaurs I want.

They are terrifying and they eat you.

What's wrong with people?

Let the dinosaurs be.

But if just one scientist were to think about time travel sex, we'd all be blowing ourselves right now.

I’m just saying.

--Nate

I want to get a serious sound system for my car, and ride around listening to "Haunted House Music" and nod my head to it like its SLAYER just to see how people respond. Throw a metal sign up to passers by.

--bobo

Fake eyebrows

So I saw a woman with fake eyebrows today, you know, the ones they just paint on. But it got me thinking. How hilarious would it be to mess with someone who does that. Like repaint them on to make them look like they are INCREDIBLY surprised, like all the time. It would have to take place during a nap or something.

Something in your refrigerator may be killing your children... more at 11:00.

Well, this is my first official post, i suppose... we'll do our best, I'm sure. but just in case I would really like to apologize in advance...

Anyway...

I don't know what's stranger, Vanna White asking a Sea Lion what it's favorite letter is or me on the edge of my seat.

...or the fact that she is still alive...

--nate

You are going to regret this....

So consider this the first official post of "We Apologize In Advance". A blog that was created to keep a record of all of the random and ridiculous things me and fellow blogger Nate think of from time to time, which we consider to be funny. So like it or not, here it goes.

We Apologize In Advance