We Apologize In Advance

I see this commercial all the time lately. This couple comes from the future to tell their past selves about a big car deal or something and the present time guy tells his future-time wife that he likes her hair and future-time him gives him a look like he had better knock it off.

What does it matter?

They are the same person.

I will just say it.

If I went back in time and met my past self I would 100% give myself a blowjob. One hundred percent.

I told this fact to some friends the other day and one of them asked if that would be homosexual or masturbatory, and I would definatly say that it falls under the masturbation category. Jerking off isn't gay. So I don't think that blowing yourself is either. It’s your mouth and your penis, just two different bodies, right? Its not butt stuff. I wouldn't do any butt stuff to my past self. If I don't do it to myself now then I don’t go back in time and do it to myself then either.

That’s the rules.

I mean lets face it, putting stuff in you butt is a little bit gay anytime. I mean if you want to go back and gay it up with yourself, knock yourself out.

Me?

I’m stickin’ to BJ's.

Don’t judge me to harshly based on this thought.

It may sound a bit shocking, at first, I know, but that’s probably why we don’t have time machines. No ones thought of this aspect of time travel before. Scientist have always been like "Wow, I would love to travel back in time and meet Herbert Hoover and see the dinosaurs." or something like that.

But then they started thinking about it and realized that it was going to be hard to do.

I mean really hard.

Then they probably realized that no one wants to talk to Herbert Hoover.

What are you gonna talk to Herbert Hoover about?

"I like your dam, it's really big."

No thanks,

Dinosaurs?

After those last couple of Jurassic Park movies I've seen about all the dinosaurs I want.

They are terrifying and they eat you.

What's wrong with people?

Let the dinosaurs be.

But if just one scientist were to think about time travel sex, we'd all be blowing ourselves right now.

I’m just saying.

--Nate